I. Am. Lost.

I havent been vocal about my feelings lately.
Alam mo ung parang I have so much on my plate right now.
I am stressed, lost and confused..

Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko sa buhay right now. Like yeah my goal 2 years ago (almost 3 yrs ago)was to pass my licensure exam, become a legit dentist, get a legit training in orthodontics, cosmetic dentistry, go visit my sister and twin nephews in romania.. and now that ive accomplished everything na, i feel lost. Like andito ako sa phase na “okay, what’s next? Ano na?”

Of course a normal dentist friend would tell me or anyone lang siguro would tell me to go set up my own clinic. Yeah, sounds right. Yun na nga talaga ung next step ng every dentist na kilala ko. Who 1has almost 3 years of experience... but then again, i continuously ask myself, yun ba ang gusto ko.
Is that really what i want? Is this really what i want? People would tell me i guess na nagiinarte ako at this point. I mean come on, i even had an award when i graduated from my ortho preceptorship mukha bang di ko gusto tong ginagawa ko when i strived hard to be here and etc? But what if i tell you na im just naturally competitive in all aspects of life kaya nangyari yun.sorry kung napaka incoherent ng pinaglalagay ko dito kasi ganun kasabog thoughts ko ngayon. Ganito kalala nararamdaman ko ngayon. Im so lost.

To be honest. Nakakadagdag pa ung fact na may boyfriend ako. I think for me may added pressure. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero i feel that way. Minsan gusto ko makipagbreak at sabihin na i need to find myself. Hahaha ang cliché no. Parang un ung typical na sinasabi ng mga nagloloko sa relasyon and ako i used to not believe that bullshit until now na i feel i need time for myself to figure things out. But the thing is i dont want him out of my life. I still want him to be there. But right now i just want to figure things out on my own and i just dont know how to find my way around this. Nasasakal ako sa mga bagay bagay na nangyayari sa paligid ko. I want everything to just stop. Alam mo ung parang all your life toure trying hard to be this person tas nung narating mo na you dont know whats next. Parang ano pang purpose ko after this, and the worst part is nakuha mo nga hindi naman talaga eto gusto mo. Bukod pa dun hindi mo din alam kung ano gusto mo..