convo with a friend yesterday.

HAHAHA because I am being such a baby and I needed my parents to bring something to me during my preboards/Q and A review yesterday :))) (i wouldnt tell you what they brought me, hahahahah long story hahahahahaha)

I had a convo with my friend.

Me: Sh*t Bryan na******** yung ******* OMG hahahah hassle
Bryan: mamaya mo na isipin yan, padeliver na lang tayo, para di ka na maglakad mamaya.
Me: OMG

So i texted my dad, i told him what happened blah blah blah so basically, they brought me the one thing that I needed so bad yesterday in order to function LOL

Me: de, okay na, dadalhin na lang daw nila
Bry: sweet naman ng dad mo
me: hahaha. onga lol
bry: okay na kayo?
me: ahhh oo, napatawad ko na sya.
bry: buti naman
me: behave naman na sya eh kinalimutan na namin yon.


LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I regret..

...Not writing my thoughts for a long time in this blog.

It's just that i've been really busy.
And now that I'm stressed and I need to take a breather, i will type. LOL.

anyway, i dont really have anything say. I'm just bored, stressed and pressured.

God, Help me.

BAKIT DI NA LANG MAGING THANKFUL?

hindi tayo thankful sa kung anong meron tayo
hindi natin nakikita yung meron tayo na wala yung iba.
hindi kasi tayo nakukuntento sa kung ano man yung meron natin.
hindi kasi natin nakikita yung mga nasa likod natin.
masyado tayong caught up sa pag habol sa mga tao na nauuna satin.
hindi na natin naaappreciate mga munting bagay na meron tayo.

alam mo ba na hindi lahat ng tao magigising pa bukas?
alam mo ba na hindi lahat ng tao sa susunod na mga segundo makakahinga pa?
alam mo ba na may mga tao kahit isang butil ng kanin hindi man lang nila matikman?

tapos ikaw, ano?
nagrereklamo ka kasi ayaw ka payagan ng magulang mo pumunta sa kung ano mang hip and happening.
Eh kung yung iba nga walang magulang na magguide sa kanila sa kung ano ang tama at mali eh. Ikaw inis na inis ka sa magulang mo.

nagrereklamo ka kasi hindi ka makaipon ng pambili ng iphone 6+ o kaya naman ayaw ka bigyan ng magulang mo ng pambili?
eh kung yung iba nga kahit simpleng cellphone wala sila eh, walang pangaral, walang pangkain etc.

nagrereklamo ka kasi hindi ka makasakay ng jeep pauwi at ang haba ng nilakad mo?
eh yung iba nga walang trabaho na papasukan eh. yung iba nga hindi makalakad kasi wala silang paa. hindi makalakad kasi wala silang mata para makakita sila.


Diba? bakit puro na lang tayo reklamo sa buhay?
hindi ba pwede na kahit isang saglit lang maglaan tayo ng oras para magpasalamat sa kung ano man meron tayo?

sa tingin ko kasi, yung sobrang gusto natin na mapunta sa taas, wala na tayong paki kung sinong tao yung matatapakan natin, yun ang nakakasira satin.

hay. naisip ko lang.
Pag nakakafrustrate at nakakastress na kasi ang buhay.
mas okay na magisip lang ng saglit at iappreciate mga bagay na meron tayo. nakakagaan kasi ng loob kahit papano.
hindi yung puro na lang tayo reklamo.

Busy.

I guess I won't be posting anything until december 5th! :)
I promise after december 4, I'll be posting good content.

anyway, quick recap about what happened yesterday.

Went to mendiola (manila) to meet up with my guy bestfriends. They've been asking for my notes for more than a month already. I just didn't have the time before. I've been busy with a lot of things.

anyway, so we kind of did a Q & A then the rest of the time we were together we just catch up on stuff ( I havent seen them for months) aaaannddd talked about life.

So much shocking revelations but I wouldn't go into details. I just feel sorry for my friend E.
Shit happens. Shit happened.
Oh well,Life goes on.

PS,
I used to think I already ruined my life by becoming a party girl and all but idk.
I don't think just because you did bad stuff or had vices it doesnt mean youre a bad person na.

Some people, leave you kasi they think na youre bad for them, na bad influence ka.
ewan. idk. i dont want to judge people still even if pwede mo nang pagisipan lahat ng masama eh. oh well.
wtvr.

Life has its ups and downs :)

I don't know, I just want to say that, whatever you're going through right now, you will get over it.
You will get past it. soon it will be over.
It'll teach you a lesson and you will become a better person.

Everything that we go through, it's probably us, that may have caused it (be it good or bad).
Everything is just a phase.
Nothing is meant to last forever....

Even us, we will all die eventually.

anyway, i've been going through tough times lately.

hahaha, God really has his own way of talking to us.
oh well, basta.

Let's appreciate the little things :)



 

In life..

We do not have an undo button.
We cannot just erase and redo whatever mistake we've already done.
It isn't a game that, whenever we die or commit a mistake we can repeat the same exact task all over again, die and be alive again because we have a "save point"
which leads me to...

In life, we do not have a "save point".
How I wish we have one.
I mean, wouldn't it be super easy when you can just die and repeat everything & go back to your save point?
OMG, id be totally be down for that lol. but life isn't an rpg game.we cant just die and relive everything  and do stuff perfectly with the help of a "walkthrough"...which leads me again to...

In life, we do not have a walkthrough. I think the best walkthrough that we can have are experiences.
We don't have an exact or precise tasks that we have to do (?) in order to achieve our task or goal... (you know, like in an rpg , you have to do certain stuff to open a door or get a clue or whatever, hope you get me)

Maybe because, we're made that way. We're supposed to learn everything on our own through our experiences. We do not have an undo button because, what is life if we dont make mistakes? i mean, are we going to learn if we do everything perfeclty all the time?
how are we going to realize stuff if we do everything perfectly,right?

we don't have a save point but if we encounter the same exact problem, we already know what to do.

And I guess we do not have a walkthrough because, our parents, friends and ourselves will be our lives walkthrough.

sometimes, you just gotta accept what life gives you and make the best out of it.

(i just wanted to add a photo of my fave rpg hehehe since, RPG's my inspiration in this blog update hehe)

wasted 5 hours of my day :(

What happened today:

LRT BEEP CARD (FAIL)
I havent ridden the lrt for like idk 6 months? 5 months? and they changed the ticketing system.
So i'm new to this beep card thingy.
I bought a single journey since i'm just trying it out and I srsly have no idea how it works :S

1) Placed a hundred bill on the machine and the machine gave me 80 pesos (all coins, 16 pcs of 5 peso coinsssss)
2) when i'm about to go out, i didnt know i have to insert the card on the system (i'm like so stupid i caused line traffic hihi. good thing I saw the kid beside me HAHAHA A KID!!! hahaha)


PRC FAIL!!
1) Went all the way to manila to prc for nothing
2) When I got there, I had my stuff photocopied
3) bought the envelope and stamp
4)entered a different building
5) asked kuya guard where i should do the online application thingy
6) went to the third flr no one was there all the computers were off.
7) asked employees where to do the online application and they showed me the pc (wala ngang open)
8) I got pissed and left, i thought i had to do the application at home

*i do not have load to text my friends, i cannot reload, globe's system was down. fcksht. auspiscious day? really? (went online to check my auspiscious day. feng shui thingy, but I guess not?)
*why am I still on pre paid? really? ugh (but i dont really text anyone, srsly as in. i dont text anyone, theres no need to. except during occasions like thissss. aaahhh!!!

when I got home i called my friend using our landline and voila! she told that i should be the one to open the computerss. self service pala. hahaa! idk!! i tried opening the CPUsss but its aint working bruh!

and theeeeen. everything's in 4th flr pala, i was on the third flr (kasi that's where kuya guard told me to go) eh after the online thingy i have to go up the 4th flr. my gosh. im so stupid. but wtvr.

it's my stupidity and impatience that wasted this day. oh well.
i'll go back tomorrow with my friendssss.


(my gosh, i thought i can do everything on my own na, oh well, maybe i havent been out for a long time kaya my skills went down din. lol)  

WELL I GUESS I'M BACK ON THE TRACK :)

after that dramatic and semi suicidal blog update, i'm back on the track.
clearly i just needed to think things over (whut?)

my whole body is shaking becuzzz i just went hord with my workout lol

looky, looky :D

post workout photo (is there a need?) HAHAHA

Oh my gosh, i'm dyinggg aiiiirrrrrr :))))))))))))))))

disclaimer: i dont own the first 3 photos, i found them on google :)

here we go again. haha.

idk, i said im going to take a break from posting blog updates over and over againnnn. pero lagi pa din naman ako nagpopost.
anyway, sige, I will be posting relevant events in my life muna.
tsaka na yung mga reviews ng food, events and places. I literally have no time pa for that.
hmmmm.
omg, i havent smoked for like almost a month na (again) and its not even pilit. i'm just too lazy to smoke hehehe, i mean to make a way to smoke (?) i cant just smoke in the balcony . i'm not a legal smoker (what? is there such a thing?) i'm mumbling random words again. coherence = zerrrroooo.

I feel like its so much easier to vlog because, no one will notice your grammatical errors. i mean like its not so obvious ha ha ha.
anyyyy wayyyy omg there shouldnt be a space there. again, anywayyyyyy, im going to poop now. byeeeee HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH

Oh, PMS.

I feel better na. Checked my calendar, track my period. haha. oops.
I was PMSing that's why I felt that way last night.
urgh hormones :( :( :(

anywaaaaaay. whatevs.
have so many things to catch up with.

TRUTH IS...

I am weak :(

It may seem like i am a strong person.
that I can handle tough situations on my own.
that after all of the hard times that i've been through,
It may seem that I am fine going through all of this alone.
That I can stand still, joke around my siblings and make them laugh,
That I am fine even if I do not show myself to my friends.
That I can still go on.

Truth is I can't.

I have been fighting this evil thought of giving up.
I have been doing my best not to break down, to continue pushing, and  inspire others to go on and do their best to fight their own battles.
that in the end, there is a light. there is hope.

that in the end, every hard work and every battle fought is worth it.

my friend, it is true. but tough times like this, when depression sets in.
I can't handle my own thoughts.
I can't keep pushing.

I feel like it's not enough.  I am not enough, to convince myself that I can do it. that I can do this.
for months I did. I've been very successful at telling myself that I can.
I know I can.
but this negative thought is eating.
the pressure is eating me.

I have no one to tell this to. because i have to show them that im strong, that i can.
but deep inside... I don't know.

I hope that when I wake up tomorrow, i'll be better.
i hope this feeling would go away.
I hope that the motivation that ive saved up would go back.

Please God, tell me i'm not alone...

I'm Tired.

Sometimes, you cant make it on your own...

But what can I do?




i need to keep pushing.



siguro nga, i just need to take a breather.


(masyadong nasisira ng pressure yung diskarte ko)

before naman i wasn't pushing myself too hard and I'm like retaining everything that I read...

When I set this deadline na i should finish everything at this date tapos I should start answering MCQs nawala diskarte ko.

clearly, i shouldnt be talking to anyone muna.
more pressure

sira diskarte.

ugh. today,  i will rest.