I want to be the "september 2015" me again.

I was reading my september 2015 blog entries and I realized I want to be that person again.
I was too good to be true lol.
i mean sobrang iba ako sa ngayon. I feel like yung crave ko to be successful and be the best brought out the monster in me ulit.

Yeah, gusto ko maging successful and all pero not when i'm like this.
I was okay naman nung september and I succeeded naman in passing my license.
I think when I'm away from other people, less polluted ang mind ko...

and since I went back to dieting and working out, sana maibalik ko na din yung zen type of person na ako before. yung No hate just love type of person.
not like this, i am srsly hating on everyone again.
i shouldnt be like this.
i could be hanging out with the wrong people :( I hope not. :(

Dear Mama,

i know you love me and concern ka lang sa future ko, pero you dont have to sneak into my laptop whenever i leave it open and take a bath.
Ma, don't worry. I dont have a boyfriend. I type a lot because DUH, I blog, i post stuff in facebook and twitter, I chat with my friends and cousins, I actually have a social life. Let me have my social life Ma, because all I do is work, go home and sleep.
I sometimes study for quizzes too–at work.

Being a dentist is not easy. and you should know mama that I have given up a lot of pleasurable things to be where I am right now. and this isnt even where I actually want to be. I still have to achieve a lot of goals and you have to trust me that I won't mess up. I wont ruin something that i've worked hard for. you should know ma, of all people, that I won't be that stupid to be in trouble or whatever stuff youve been thinking. I am better than that. I want to be successful and I want to make you and papa proud, i know I already did but i just wont stop there. I could do more and make you even more proud.

Please understand ma that I'm just having a life outside of work, today, I went out to see some of my friends. Ma, please understand that when I go out it doesnt mean it has to be a date with a guy. I have friends ma, youve met them during my oath taking and you know some of them.

Please wag kang masyadong paranoid ma, you have to know that ive already considered being single for the rest of my life and take care of you and papa til your last breath.
And I am not in a hurry to be committed to someone because right now i'm only committed to work and myself (my fam and friends). I just have too much on my plate right now.


Please do not think that I lost my temper because i'm being defensive. I lost my temper kanina because i barely even go out na and have fun and see my friends tapos the only time that I did which is kanina napagisipan pa ako ng masama. nakakainis kasi stressed and pagod na ako sa work tapos minsan lang magsaya with friends iba pa inisip.


*life oh life.

and duh, opening un ng clinic ng friend ko. i have friends outside of the fam. let me see them. let me have fun with them Please. wag nyo ko sakalin, baka may rebelde ako ulit. :(    

Another year + Quarter life crisis + Dear Mama and Papa

Nagising ako ng madaling araw this morning (redundant! haha!) tapos, I checked my phone to see kung ano na time kung late na ba ako ng gising or matutulog pa ako.

tapos 530am na, okay sakto lang di pa ko late. I checked my messages sa fb if nagreply na sakin bestfriend ko sa california. tapos, i was suprised to see na ive 4 msgs so chineck ko. may birthday greetings.

tsaka ko lang narealize na sheeeeet birthday ko nga pala.

OMG ive never been this stressed out or caught up in whatever that i'm currently doing (school or work) to forget about my birthday. Or maybe, signs of aging. matanda na ako and birthdays dont excite me anymore.

seryoso natawa ako nung naalala ko na birthday ko :D

Anyway, I am so thankful for all the blessings that I've received ever 2015 ended.
Seriously I couldn't ask for more.
basta, nung natutunan ko mag count ng blessings, hindi na ako masyadong nagrereklamo about stuff. hindi na masyadong bratty. i truly believe na yung pagsoul search/retreat ko sa hometown ni mama helped me grow as an individual. ang dami ko narealize about life.

That could be a yearly routine kaso lang mahirap maghanap ng time since i'm busy with work and soon i'd be juggling preceptorship and work so mahirap talaga.

I'm just thankful that I still have my parents to take care of me even if im an adult na.

Dear Mama and papa,
i know you guys wont be able to read this pero sobrang thankful ako na i still have you i know 2014 was a tough year for all of us pero im thankful na behave ka na papa and somehow napatawad mo mama si papa. It just proved na you guys are tough and no bitch can tear our family that easy. okay. stop na sa BS. ayun thanks kasi you still guys provide me with my needs na hindi nyo na dapat binibigay, you still bring mo to work whenever you can (too much no, pero thank you. im 25 na and you still make hatid of me thank you) thanks talaga mama and papa for believing and trusting me even if nagloko na ako ng sobra, thanks kasi naniwala pa din kayo na kaya ko.
I promise you guys, na if God wouldnt give me someone to share my life with for the rest of my life, i'd would take care of you guys til your last breath. if yun yung purpose ko its fine. kasi yun yung ginagawa nyo for us. You guys still prepare our breakfast and dinner and make hatid to us wherever we need or have to go. kahit na party pa yan, ihahatid nyo kami. thank you, you guys are the best. you guys may not tell us everyday that you love us(specially si papa) ramdam naman namin yun.


thankful din ako sa work ko and sa bosses, im thankful na i have very kind employers.
okay na din naman na I have spent my birthday at work. they made it special naman:)

basta I couldnt ask for more.

I believe in #forever #MayForever

Disclaimer: the photo is not mine, got it from google.


In about 2 weeks I'd be turning 25 and someone told me that, i'm supposed to be in a  long term relationship na sa age na yun. Idk but I think age is just a number, it shouldnt be something that would dictate kung anong milestone na dapat nareach natin sa buhay at a certain age(but this is a diff story). right?

Don't get me wrong, hindi ako bitter sa pagibig kaya ayaw ko makipagrelationship. in fact, I do believe in forever. I do believe that people who are in love with each other are capable of having a relationship that would last a life time, I believe in love, I believe that love could change people , I believe that love conquers all... Yeah, cheesy pero totoo (oooh soft side revealed lol)

I know many of us have fallen in love, have their heart broken and moved on. I myself have gone thru a lot of heartaches din. hindi maiiwasan, its part of committing in a relationship eh. i think when you love someone you should also accept the fact that you'll get hurt. hindi yung kasi alam mo na in the end magbebreak din kayo, you'll get hurt kasi hindi perfect yung taong minamahal mo. he or she will make mistakes not just once, a couple of times, pati ikaw magkakamali ka but because you guys love each other, in the end you'd still choose to be with that person despite of the things he/she has done wrong. di kayo perfect eh, tao lang kayo.

BUT. for some, hindi talaga. In the end, they'd choose to end things up. well iba iba naman ng reason basta hindi na sila nagmeet eye to eye. Hindi na talaga nagworkout or most probably AYAW na iworkout. they've given up on each other. which is totally normal. I think yung generation today mas career oriented. most of us would rather choose career than love. why not diba? hindi ka naman bubuhayin ng relationship and besides madami namang iba dyan. being practical lang.

And that my friend, is one of the reasons why I wouldnt allow myself to be in a relationship right now.

Ang dami ko pang gustong gawin.hindi pa ako ready, career over love lol.

Plus, I don't think I'm mature enough to accept someone who isnt perfect.
I mean, like, di ko kaya pa na magaccept  ng tao na alam kong masasaktan ako.
i'm still selfish and i don't want to have someone for companionship lang tapos made that someone believe na i'm actually thinking of "us" being in a relationship tas friendzone lang pag nag profess na ng love, in short ayoko na magpaasa.

I would lie if i say na hindi pa ako nagpaasa. I did. I have.
and hindi masarap sa feeling yung nakakakonsyensya. plus iisipin pa nila na user ka so wag na lang maging nice, ignore or tell them straight na wala kang balak makipagrelasyon.



what's my point ba?
i think kasi sobrang bitter na ng mga tao puro #walangforever
No guys, may forever, people get married for a reason.
maybe it's just not the right time or hindi lang talaga matured enough to handle a serious relationship kaya nagbebreak or nasasaktan.

kapag may break up, sana hindi laging bineblame sa iisang tao sa relationship ung reason kung bakit nag break. remember guys, dalawa kayo sa relasyon. if nagbreak both of you guys are at fault kasi hinayaan nyo mangyari yun. you guys are supposed to be a team diba?
kahit na may third party pa, isipin mo, ano ung reason behind ng paghahanap nya ng iba, maybe may mali ka din.

wala lang. I just realized that Love is about acceptance, trust, and learning how to forgive.
kung di pa ready na magseryoso, wag pilitin kahit na si girl or boy of your dreams na yan.
dapat talaga 100% ready eh. tsaka wag makipagrelasyon kung napilitan lang or takot ka magisa. sobrang No No yan. hehe.

kapal ko magpreach.
#randomrealizations #preach #love #mayforever