I havent been vocal about my feelings lately.
Alam mo ung parang I have so much on my plate right now.
I am stressed, lost and confused..
Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko sa buhay right now. Like yeah my goal 2 years ago (almost 3 yrs ago)was to pass my licensure exam, become a legit dentist, get a legit training in orthodontics, cosmetic dentistry, go visit my sister and twin nephews in romania.. and now that ive accomplished everything na, i feel lost. Like andito ako sa phase na “okay, what’s next? Ano na?”
Of course a normal dentist friend would tell me or anyone lang siguro would tell me to go set up my own clinic. Yeah, sounds right. Yun na nga talaga ung next step ng every dentist na kilala ko. Who 1has almost 3 years of experience... but then again, i continuously ask myself, yun ba ang gusto ko.
Is that really what i want? Is this really what i want? People would tell me i guess na nagiinarte ako at this point. I mean come on, i even had an award when i graduated from my ortho preceptorship mukha bang di ko gusto tong ginagawa ko when i strived hard to be here and etc? But what if i tell you na im just naturally competitive in all aspects of life kaya nangyari yun.sorry kung napaka incoherent ng pinaglalagay ko dito kasi ganun kasabog thoughts ko ngayon. Ganito kalala nararamdaman ko ngayon. Im so lost.
To be honest. Nakakadagdag pa ung fact na may boyfriend ako. I think for me may added pressure. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero i feel that way. Minsan gusto ko makipagbreak at sabihin na i need to find myself. Hahaha ang cliché no. Parang un ung typical na sinasabi ng mga nagloloko sa relasyon and ako i used to not believe that bullshit until now na i feel i need time for myself to figure things out. But the thing is i dont want him out of my life. I still want him to be there. But right now i just want to figure things out on my own and i just dont know how to find my way around this. Nasasakal ako sa mga bagay bagay na nangyayari sa paligid ko. I want everything to just stop. Alam mo ung parang all your life toure trying hard to be this person tas nung narating mo na you dont know whats next. Parang ano pang purpose ko after this, and the worst part is nakuha mo nga hindi naman talaga eto gusto mo. Bukod pa dun hindi mo din alam kung ano gusto mo..
Thursday, November 22, 2018
Thursday, October 11, 2018
My 2018...so far.
i know i havent written anything with sense in this blog for a long time.
so let me start with how ive been doing for the past few months, what has happened ever since this year started.
i'm not gonna lie, i may or may not cry while typing. haha
first few months of 2018 tbh has been quite nice.
In january my relatives from US whom i havent seen for 10 years or so visited us here in manila.
it was 2 weeks of fun and catching up. i barely rested that time after work i hangout with them, stayed up late then go to work early and the cycle goes on. what happened was when they left, i got sick. prolly because i was overusing (sorry sa term) my body lo.
Another highlight was in March, which is my birth month and my graduation in my Orthodontics preceptorship. I was lucky enough to have an award in my preceptorship. I mean i was not expecting at all. during the first few months of my preceptorship, yes i admit i strived hard to get a reward but you know, i got a little lazy in the midst of the training preceptorship HAHAHA (classic Hannah) but hey, i still bagged an award (clinical excellence, yey me!)
So ayun nga, i started the year right i thought okay na, tuluy tuloy na.
but no. you know in physiology there's this thing calle Homeostasis whichi sort of means that everything should be in a state of equilibrium, balance. like, if may sumobra, its not good. you get me naman diba.
ayun nga. Around May, we had our company team building in bohol, i was excited of course its the first time i'm gonna be there. it was fun naman. but towards the second week of May, we had a call at around 4am in the morning... tita babeth called us.. saying na, our tita cherrie got stabbed in las pinas. my God, we were all from north (qc) and she's far south. so i panicked. woke up my dad and brother. apparently, papa got a call from his brother also, saying na our tita is dead na. im was confused. i dont want to believe that she died already. im trying to keep a little hope sa sarili ko na maybe fake news lang or this is some kind of a joke or prank...
nut no, it isnt.
yup, it was all over the media. news, internet etc. dean of med school stabbed to death.
i couldnt understand why such things would happen to me, to us, to her. nobody deserves to get stabbed to death. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. well we kind of moved on. shrugged it off. and continued with all our lives
Then came June, i went to work again, tried to recover, tried to act like everything is normal..
well hey, 3rd week of June I got sick. thought it was just a normal fever but the fever wouldnt go away. it just go worse and worse day by day. my mom decided na i should get a check up from a physician na cuz she doesnt think its normal na maybe i have dengue na. voila! meron nga.
i stayed in the hospital for more than a week. i thought i was dying no. ang sakit tlga sa pakiramdam ng dengue.
sabi ko sa sarili ko, bakit ako minamalas ng ganito.
I asked God, please last na to.
July was okay, actually, good. I went to bangkok with my mom. My visa (romania) was approved and everything went well and smooth naman. THANK GOD.
August was a breeze. went to romania towards the end of the month. stayed there for a month, finally saw my twin nephews and definitely had the time of my life :)
September!! went back home to manila. i was in romania almost the whole of september so nothing really, pure bliss and burning some money lol.
OCTOBER!!! not a good month again, (back story, my father is a cheater, he has a problem. mental problem fuck!) so my dad, he has been good naman for the past few years, not mentioning his kagaguhan na he did 4 years ago, after that medyo ok naman sya.
but then we kind of caught him cheating.
pero ngayon, he went back to his kagaguhan. and i now that im older and more matured and ayoko na ng ginagago. i stepped up. i texted him. i just asked nicely, san ba sya lagi nagpupunta. and didnt respond to his defensive replies. i was at work when i texted him.
paguwi o he confronted me, he's very mayabang ung asta nya saken. kala nya papatalo ako NO! ako pa malakas ako mambara, kaya ko sagutin at ibalik sayo lahat ng sinasabi mo sakin. im smart im not stupid at lalong hindi ako magpapatalo. ang ending nag walkout sya.
tss. kala nya kaya nya ko. lol baliktad. binalik ko lang lahat sa kanya lahat ng defensive answers nya. and of course i was crying. i said i didnt deserve to get hurt like this because gago sya.
of course i didnt say na gago sya. but now, im trying to move on. para akong nakipagbreak sa jowa ko. nagmamano pa din ako sa kanya pero di ko na sya pinapansin. di ko sinasabayan kumain. he's the one who ruined his family and once na ayaw na sa kanya ng side chick nya. wala na ako amor sa kanya.
this has been a very long post. i just really needed an outlet.
always be positive and know theres a higher being out there.
ciao!
so let me start with how ive been doing for the past few months, what has happened ever since this year started.
i'm not gonna lie, i may or may not cry while typing. haha
first few months of 2018 tbh has been quite nice.
In january my relatives from US whom i havent seen for 10 years or so visited us here in manila.
it was 2 weeks of fun and catching up. i barely rested that time after work i hangout with them, stayed up late then go to work early and the cycle goes on. what happened was when they left, i got sick. prolly because i was overusing (sorry sa term) my body lo.
Another highlight was in March, which is my birth month and my graduation in my Orthodontics preceptorship. I was lucky enough to have an award in my preceptorship. I mean i was not expecting at all. during the first few months of my preceptorship, yes i admit i strived hard to get a reward but you know, i got a little lazy in the midst of the training preceptorship HAHAHA (classic Hannah) but hey, i still bagged an award (clinical excellence, yey me!)
So ayun nga, i started the year right i thought okay na, tuluy tuloy na.
but no. you know in physiology there's this thing calle Homeostasis whichi sort of means that everything should be in a state of equilibrium, balance. like, if may sumobra, its not good. you get me naman diba.
ayun nga. Around May, we had our company team building in bohol, i was excited of course its the first time i'm gonna be there. it was fun naman. but towards the second week of May, we had a call at around 4am in the morning... tita babeth called us.. saying na, our tita cherrie got stabbed in las pinas. my God, we were all from north (qc) and she's far south. so i panicked. woke up my dad and brother. apparently, papa got a call from his brother also, saying na our tita is dead na. im was confused. i dont want to believe that she died already. im trying to keep a little hope sa sarili ko na maybe fake news lang or this is some kind of a joke or prank...
nut no, it isnt.
yup, it was all over the media. news, internet etc. dean of med school stabbed to death.
i couldnt understand why such things would happen to me, to us, to her. nobody deserves to get stabbed to death. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. well we kind of moved on. shrugged it off. and continued with all our lives
Then came June, i went to work again, tried to recover, tried to act like everything is normal..
well hey, 3rd week of June I got sick. thought it was just a normal fever but the fever wouldnt go away. it just go worse and worse day by day. my mom decided na i should get a check up from a physician na cuz she doesnt think its normal na maybe i have dengue na. voila! meron nga.
i stayed in the hospital for more than a week. i thought i was dying no. ang sakit tlga sa pakiramdam ng dengue.
sabi ko sa sarili ko, bakit ako minamalas ng ganito.
I asked God, please last na to.
July was okay, actually, good. I went to bangkok with my mom. My visa (romania) was approved and everything went well and smooth naman. THANK GOD.
August was a breeze. went to romania towards the end of the month. stayed there for a month, finally saw my twin nephews and definitely had the time of my life :)
September!! went back home to manila. i was in romania almost the whole of september so nothing really, pure bliss and burning some money lol.
OCTOBER!!! not a good month again, (back story, my father is a cheater, he has a problem. mental problem fuck!) so my dad, he has been good naman for the past few years, not mentioning his kagaguhan na he did 4 years ago, after that medyo ok naman sya.
but then we kind of caught him cheating.
pero ngayon, he went back to his kagaguhan. and i now that im older and more matured and ayoko na ng ginagago. i stepped up. i texted him. i just asked nicely, san ba sya lagi nagpupunta. and didnt respond to his defensive replies. i was at work when i texted him.
paguwi o he confronted me, he's very mayabang ung asta nya saken. kala nya papatalo ako NO! ako pa malakas ako mambara, kaya ko sagutin at ibalik sayo lahat ng sinasabi mo sakin. im smart im not stupid at lalong hindi ako magpapatalo. ang ending nag walkout sya.
tss. kala nya kaya nya ko. lol baliktad. binalik ko lang lahat sa kanya lahat ng defensive answers nya. and of course i was crying. i said i didnt deserve to get hurt like this because gago sya.
of course i didnt say na gago sya. but now, im trying to move on. para akong nakipagbreak sa jowa ko. nagmamano pa din ako sa kanya pero di ko na sya pinapansin. di ko sinasabayan kumain. he's the one who ruined his family and once na ayaw na sa kanya ng side chick nya. wala na ako amor sa kanya.
this has been a very long post. i just really needed an outlet.
always be positive and know theres a higher being out there.
ciao!
Friday, August 17, 2018
Romania!!!
i will be going on a trip to romania to visit my sister and nephews soooo i will be updating this blog with pictures of adventures in romania soon!!!
apparently, life made me really busy and i failed to update this journal of mine.
i wish to update this again with food reviews soon!!
apparently, life made me really busy and i failed to update this journal of mine.
i wish to update this again with food reviews soon!!
Tuesday, August 7, 2018
cosmetic dentistry
I will be posting pictures of before and after of cosmetic restoration procedures i did in the clinic. Watch out!
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