Hindsight is 20/20

As much as possible, I dont like negative vibes on my blog, but yeah, let me just rant for awhile.
my hormones are acting up. period is on its way (TMI)

WARNING: RANT AND HATE POST 


Normally, I don't rant over the mistakes that i've done in the past.
I don't like to dwell on them, I just try my best to do something about them.

I accept my mistakes, wrong turns and false moves easily. I mean, if I did something wrong, okay, accept. Move on.Life goes on. Tapos na eh, what can I do?
 I will just try my best not repeat them all over again.   

But then, there's this "PARTY GIRL" Phase of Niksi's life.
I mean hello, almost everybody went through that phase naman ah, why stress over it?
idk but, I was on the right path already eh. the "goody  goody" kind of girl,
the school-bahay kind of student(when I was still a student), the "i don't drink eh, on special occasions lang" kind of person, the " guys, stop smoking na. its bad for your health" kind of friend and last but not the least the "I don't go clubbing–cuz–i'm–too–old–for–that–and–its–just–a–waste–of–my–time" kind of girl. (plus, im so close to becoming a doctor[dentist], i just need to pass my licensure exam, but what did I do??) 
SO WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME? 
WHY DID I EVEN BECOME THE MONSTER THAT I HATED?

I mean before sobra kong jinajudge party people, i'm like "geeez. kala nila cool sila? so fckng jej and pa cool. tsss" tapos I became like them. I party every single weekend.
It's like a bad dream. But what can I do? nag enjoy ako that time.
I was fcking troubled that time.
All hell broke loose eh.
I was lost.

Instead of finding a solution to my problems, I just let them consume me. 
I wasn't happy with my life and I thought that the "scenes at the club" and getting attention from strangers would be a great filler to that hole inside of me. But no, it just made it even worst.

After that phase, I struggled so hard to get back on the track.
My parents dont know what I've been going through.
No one knows what I've been going through.
The "friends" that I thought would be there for me wasnt even there. (they even unfriended me –– just because I stopped hanging out with them, that's what I feel eh. Plus, they just assumed na sinisiraan ko sila or whatever, dude, they let everything out in the open naman, why blame me for the rumors? hello social media?? this is a diff story but id rather not talk about it.PLUS I DON'T BLAME THEM NA I BECAME A PARTY GIRL, EVERYTHING WAS MY CHOICE. ITS MY DECISION. NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF)
And, the other friends naman who were there, they wouldn't understand.
basta, I DONT FvCKING KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE back then. sirang sira sya.

I'm like, maybe, I just need my mom. maybe I just need to accept that, setbacks do happen.
maybe, just maybe...I'll get over this phase.

My mom's at her province that time, and when she called that I should go there for a vacation(and study there for my boards para no distraction from friends) I'm like "yeah, sure! let's do it! i'll travel next week!" –––ON MY OWN.


it's a super remote area. no phone signal, no internet signal. Just me and the nature. 

Plus i traveled alone for like 20 hours?? (or more)
It was a great idea that I took the bus instead of the plane because i had more alone time.
It was the best trip ever. I am alone but I've learned so much.
i've gotten to know myself better.


This whole drama, Everything about it, every single detail, made me a better person.
Yeah, I still wish na it hadn't happened na lang but, I wouldnt have learned so much about me siguro kung hindi nangyari.
Sometimes, May relapse pa din. na nagsisisi ako. but as much as possible, I look at the brighter side na lang. (Like I have a better choice pa diba)




WAHHHHHHHHH. IT FELT SO GOOD TO LET IT ALL OUT. woo! 



PS: I'm not judging the people who enjoy partying..
I'm not saying just because you party, youre a bad and useless person na
In this post, i'm just saying, from this kind of person, I became this person. gets?
Nothing against party girls and guys.
It's me, I did bad stuff when I was still partying, it might me normal for you but for me, its not.
we have different perceptions and opinions. Don't take this blog update personally.